Change

A change is coming.  I can feel it waiting, pacing back and forth, for the right time to emerge.  It looms over me, breathing down my neck making the tiny hairs stand on end.  I can't escape it.  I need to face it head on, no matter how frightened I might be.  This will be a test to see how strong I am.  Can I overcome my fear?  I've remained stagnant and resigned for so long, can I find it in myself to be motivated and inspired?  Only time will tell.

A part of me is excited for this new chapter to begin.  As with all new things, we revel over the shininess and potential of something brand new to our lives.  We are often reverted back to our childhoods, scampering off to the corner to play with our new toy.   I want so badly to let this part of me guide me through the decisions I'm about to make, but that would be irresponsible and foolish. 

I'm a planner.  Always have been and always will be.  I usually have things mapped out so far in advance that there's no chance for surprises.  I'm not a fan of surprises.  Never have been, not even of the good kind.  But change is tricky.  Even the most deft of planners can be tripped up by change and it's slippery ways.  So I plan to take this slowly, peering around every corner for any sign of surprise.

I'm not fooling myself either.  I know this will be a difficult time.  Change can bring joy, but also consequences that often have a domino effect on those around you.  Because of that, I plan to be extremely cautious.

It's the uncertainty that scares me the most.  The "what ifs" could eat me alive if I let them.  I have tons of them in the back of my mind, flying around, buzzing in my ears.  I just have to find it in myself to be resolute in knowing which ones to ask aloud and which ones to cast aside. 

I realize I've been rather ambiguous about what this change could be.  I'm just going to say, for now, that it will be life changing for me and leave you with a quote I found this morning that resonates with how I'm feeling at the moment.

~~~~"We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance.~~~ Harrison Ford